Another great video from School of Life, philosopher Alain de Botton’s explainer for existence, examines self-esteem.
Where does self-esteem come from? His answers are surprising:
- Self-esteem has almost nothing to do with your particular achievements (“verifiable benchmarks,” as he calls them)
- How you compare to your same-sex parent has a lot to do with it: have you achieved more or less than mom or dad?
- How you compare to your age-peers has a lot to do with it: how are the people with whom you were educated, are about your age, and who live near you?
- What kind of love did you receive as a child? Was love conditional on achievement? Do you consistently pine for parental approval?
The degree of relativity is fascinating in this analysis: a person who is- by all conventional indications-successful, might feel less self esteem than a person who is monetarily poor but who is more well off than his father. And having attended college with a Bill Gates or Elon Musk doesn’t predispose you to healthy levels.
Self-esteem is a “prize of psychology,” not a fruit of something we achieve in the economy.