Rhonda and I are children of the 80s, and so hold a place in our hearts for malls. Of course I know that a revitalized downtown with mom and pop shops–New Urbanism–is the principled stance. Maybe it’s inertia. Or the fact that we don’t have much New Urbanism down here in our remote post in South Jersey.

Ahem. On our last visit to see Aaron, we hit the Menlo Park Mall in Edison, New Jersey, It’s a very nice mall, with an Apple Store, Barnes & Noble, Old Navy, and a couple of stores that sell the kinds of collectible that Joey and Aaron love. On Sunday morning, after a ride through the Italian mountains, courtesy of the Marriott’s Peloton bike, I scoured maps and Yelp for some places to eat and shop, should that be our wont. I noticed that the Short Hills Mall was nearby, and remembered from a visit back in the early 2000s, when my best friend Kevin and I went to the Apple Store there. He ended up working there for a while after grad school, no less. So I suggested we check it out.

I don’t remember the Short Hills Mall being quite as shwanky as it was; Aaron called it bougie. There were Tiffany, Fendi, Rolex, and Versace stores with low-key security guards. The cars parked in the concourse were Bentleys, Porsches, and a very covetable Audi RS3. We didn’t recognize many of the stores at all.

It’s hard to put the feeling of being in a retail world you can’t quite comprehend into words. Outclassed and out of place for sure. We walked the mall from end to end and back again, and then lit out for the more approachable Menlo Park Mall. That joint has an Old Navy. There are Hyundais and Nissans along the concourses. And hey–the Apple Store is bigger than the Short Hills store.