“Always Merry and Bright”: Tropic of Cancer Revisited

It was another Henry who put me on to Miller: Henry Rollins. I was reading his journal of being in Black Flag, Get in the Van, and if I remember correctly, he was talking about reading Miller’s Black Spring. I read Tropic of Cancer soon thereafter, and then Black Spring.

Tropic of Cancer has loomed large in my mind as the first “serious” book I read. It was by no means the first book that I chose for myself and read that I enjoyed, but it was certainly the first of its kind: Tropic of Cancer isn’t a novel in the classic sense of the word; there’s not a plot or characters contrived to symbolize ordinate human types or exemplars. Or is it? It’s just Miller, free in Paris, having cast off the shackles of quotidian responsibility, living a kind of beat existence before there was a name for the thing. So while I held up Catcher in the Rye as an example of literature that wasn’t handed to me by a teacher, Tropic was a choice I made, a book that I wanted to experience.

If now and then we encounter pages that explode, pages that wound and sear, that wring groans and tears and curses, know that they come from a man with his back up, a man whose only defenses left are his words and his words are always stronger than the lying, crushing weight of the world, stronger than all the racks and wheels which the cowardly invent to crush out the miracle of personality.

As with Dune, I re-read Tropic of Cancer again, perhaps for the third time. I was maybe 20 when I read it the first time; I’ve lived more than half of my life since then. And as with Dune, it didn’t hold up in my mind the way I remembered it, although unlike with Dune, I remembered very clearly what I liked and what I didn’t.

Someone once wrote, “There’s nothing like Miller when he gets rolling,” and that’s absolutely true. When he’s railing against the diminution of the human spirit by some human contrivance–medical science, impersonal bureaucracy, or the affectations of personal preference–he is likely to fashion an immense list of the beloved barnacles of thought and action that we loll about in our mouths and minds without much thought. These are hysterical moments in his writing.

One thing I’ve always marveled about Miller: the no-fucks-given sense of self-ownership, of being free. In Tropic , he’s often wandering, looking for the next meal or drink, penniless, without a plan. Free, but broke. It’s hard for me to consider life like this, but that’s the point of reading, isn’t it?

Those who are truly decrepit, living corpses, so to speak, are the middle-aged, middleclass men and women who are stuck in their comfortable grooves and imagine that the status quo will last forever or else are so frightened it won’t that they have retreated into their mental bomb shelters to wait it out.

It’s not that Miller didn’t express worry about money, or find himself doing things expressly to make a living: he writes about teaching and editing copy, both of which are temporary arrangements that he only engages long enough to stave off deprivation. But there’s never a sense that his existence tracks closely to a profession. It’s a diversion that funds other diversions.

“I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.” –Kurt Vonnegut

Tropic of Cancer is existential: Henry Miller is living his life, and has some boundaries around how much of it he’ll sell off to do so. His avocations are certainly writing and painting, but carousing is a big part of it, too.

Miller’s rampant sexism is hard to read, too, and I always found this to be the case. Growing up in the early to mid-nineties, “PC” was a word that people were fighting against in the way “woke” is today cast as pejorative. I don’t think I was being “PC” in eschewing some of his most indelicate, selfish passages; that’s a value matter to me. The calculus you have to make with a book such as Tropic of Cancer is whether you have to throw out the baby with the bathwater–is there anything of value here that demands our attention, objections notwithstanding?

I’m not going to answer that question here. I still found some of those passages skippable, not because they appeal to the prurient interest, but because I don’t think people should think of each other that way, that objectively, as means by which to satisfy ourselves. Again, values.

I was a psych major trying not to be one. I was a lapsed catholic looking for a new organizing principle outside of a punitive god. I needed a new immortality.

With this attribute goes another which I prize above everything else, and that is the sense of wonder. No matter how restricted my world may become I cannot imagine it leaving me void of wonder. In a sense I suppose it might be called my religion. I do not ask how it came about, this creation in which we swim, but only to enjoy and appreciate it. -The Measure of a Life Well Lived: Henry Miller on Growing Old, the Perils of Success, and the Secret of Remaining Young at Heart

Two Henries

Reading Tropic of Cancer, you realize there are two Millers: there is the joyful poet, busking, yes, beside the smoldering ash heap that is modern civilization, who yet yawps and celebrates life. The other Miller, tangled up antithetically with Whitman , is the harbinger of decay, a chronicler of all the ways humanity has screwed itself: this is nihilist Miller. The only escape is another flood, or an ice age, or something that will render asunder the decadence we’ve allowed to ruin us… until the paragraph ends. Both Millers are consonant with his taciturn soul, the mercurial writer who alternately celebrates life and castigates the machine we’ve created.

My idea briefly has been to present a resurrection of the emotions, to depict the conduct of a human being in the stratosphere of ideas, that is, in the grip of delirium…

Poet Miller loves us all and edges us towards art, towards defining our own values, towards bringing into a totality those fragments and elements of our perfect, if fragmented, souls. Nihilist Miller has thrown up his hands, paddled out onto an island big enough for just himself, and hurls Molotov cocktails at the culture.

The earth is parched and cracked. Men and women come together like broods of vultures over a stinking carcass, to mate and fly apart again. Vultures who drop from the clouds like heavy stones. Talons and beak, that’s what we are!

It’s a Novel and He Could Have Done the Easy Thing

As I hinted above, Tropic of Cancer may, in fact, be a novel. Norman Mailer sagely observes that of course this is so. And it would have been easy for Miller to do it again.

These few details are enough to suggest Tropic of Cancer is a fiction more than a fact. Which, of course, is not to take away a particle of its worth. Perhaps it becomes even more valuable. After all, we do not write to recapture an experience, we write to come as close to it as we can. Sometimes we are not very close, and yet, paradoxically, are nearer than if we had. Not nearer necessarily to the reality of what happened, but to the mysterious reality of what can happen on a page. Oil paints do not create clouds but the image of clouds; a page of manuscript can only evoke that special kind of reality which lives on the skin of the writing paper, a rainbow on a soap bubble. Miller is forever accused of caricature by people who knew his characters, and any good reader knows enough about personality to sense how much he must be leaving out of his people. Yet, what a cumulative reality they give us. His characters make up a Paris more real than Its paving stones until a reluctant wonder bursts upon us.

Henry Miller on Turning 80

Found Some Old Pics

I went through the pile of mechanical and solid-state drives I always see when I’m organizing my storage, and decided to plug them into the sata-USB interface I have to label everything.

Prior to today the date of the first photo in my Photos library (once iPhoto) was from 2001. It’s an old screenshot of my modem settings for Earthlink, which was my ISP back then. I was experimenting with OS X, probably on my PowerMac G4.

Internet Connect utility on Mac OS X
Internet Connect utility on Mac OS X

At the time, I was taking pics on a couple of early-model Olympus point-and-shoot digital cameras. My second camera was an Olympus D-340R, which took shots at 1280×960. 1.2 megapixels! I believe the first digital I had was the preceding model, which ChatGPT thinks is the D-320L.

All of which is a roundabout way of saying that I found a pile of old pics that I took that precede my earliest entries in my photo library. I still get a kick out of scrolling back that far in my library and seeing those old pics.

A fun one was a pic of my then-new Palm device, which was the last of its kind for my usage (and close to the end of that brand’s run). It was a Palm TX. The pic is from 2008, though.

Palm TX
Palm TX

Another good one: some maybe Apple people hamming it up with iMacs for heads, holding a newly introduced iBook. I had pre-ordered an iBook when they were announced, but ending up cancelling the order in favor of a Lombard PowerBook G3.

Sunday Serial: Tub Shroom, Bellview’s Sephira Red, A Thunderbolt Dock for a Mac Nerd, and Easter

Tub Shroom

I saw the Tub Shroom years ago, and was attracted to getting one, because we had a family member who was squeamish about hair in the drain after a shower. Letting the hair slide down the drain is obviously not a good solution to this squeamishness, but we have done just that for a while now. Fast forward to the inevitable conclusion: clogged drains, trips to the hardware store for drain-o, and some showers spent in an ankle-deep puddle of bath water. Not to mention fruitless plunging on my part.

We got the last clog unstuck, but I wanted to avoid another event. While shopping for basket strainers for the drain, I chanced upon the Tub Shroom , and ordered one.

Short story: it works, and discreetly. I’ve been cleaning it just to see, and I’m happy with the results. 12 bucks!

Bellview Winery’s Serafina

I picked up a growler of this yesterday to have with our cheap rib roast. I tried a sample at the winery after giving the mustang a good flogging on a dry, hot day. I’d say it was very dark-berry forward but very good. We had spritzes with their pet-nat rosé too. I didn’t take good pics but hey.

OWC Dock

Hobbies have long tails. The dream is to be able to plug any device into your rig and just work. This is a great step for geeks with multiple devices. I’ve been writing about it here a fair bit.

Easter

I’ve always adored Easter. Because I went to catholic school, Easter was as momentous as Christmas. With Christmas, you get a kind of hunkering down for the long winter ahead vibe, ceremonious as it is. Spring and Easter have a more optimistic, forward-looking groove.

Pierogies

An AppleScript to Center the Frontmost Window

32” is the size of my Samsung U32J59x, which at the time of purchase, was a great deal and remains perfect for my usage. I’ve used 32” and 27” displays, and while I would probably choose 32” over 27” when picking out another display, 32” does hit the edge of usability for me. There are just times when a window is over to the left of center on the display, and I really can’t see it that well (I do run my text fairly small on the Mac).

For the record, I had a 27” Dell 4k display at my last gig, and I have a 27” Samsung that I grabbed from Walmart around Christmas time to plug into my MacBook Air. 27” is a great size but I really like having the 32” at home.

Anyway, when I log into my Mac at home and a window is up in a corner somewhere, I’m tempted by the urge to center it without having to mouse up to the title bar and move it manually. It seems like something that I should be able to keyboard shortcut.

AppleScript is an obvious and easy way to cobble a solution together. I checked in with ChatGPT and it offered me a decent starting point; I do get better results specifying the resolution of the display, although I suspect I’ll be able to modify it to dynamically check the dimensions of the display so that this will work on a laptop, too.

tell application "System Events"
    set frontApp to name of first application process whose frontmost is true
    tell application process frontApp
        if (count of windows) > 0 then
            set win to front window
            set winPos to position of win
            set winSize to size of win
            set winWidth to item 1 of winSize
            set winHeight to item 2 of winSize

            -- Set your screen resolution here (adjust if needed)
            set screenWidth to 3008
            set screenHeight to 1692

            set newX to (screenWidth - winWidth) / 2
            set newY to (screenHeight - winHeight) / 2

            set position of win to {newX, newY}
        end if
    end tell
end tell

Window Management and a Large Display

A funny by-product of being a laptop user for many years for me was that I really never worked with multiple windows on my Mac. I was a PowerBook (and then MacBook) user for over a decade before I introduced a desktop computer back into my setup. My laptop usage effectively looked like full-screen (but not zoomed) windows, and I’d command-tab between active applications. On a 13” Air or 14” MacBook Pro, this makes a lot of sense. But on a big display, there’s really no reason to run Safari that big (Logic or iMovie, sure).

Here’s today’s ham recipe on my laptop’s built-in display, centered using macOS’s Window > Center command:

Centered Window on MacBook Air 13”
Centered Window on MacBook Air 13”

There’s a fair bit of white space, owing to the webpage’s design, but it’s readable and doesn’t really ask for resizing.

Here’s the same page on my Samsung display:

Safair Window Centered on my Samsung 32” Display
Safair Window Centered on my Samsung 32” Display

In this way, a smaller MacBook ends up being used, for me, a lot like an iPad: pretty much full screen in every app. It’s a lot of fun to be able to plug into a larger display and have a different experience with windowing, and I can totally see why multiple monitors or large ones really do improve productivity. There is a cognitive cost to all of that context switching.

Season Two: Mission Accomplished 🚀

In the vein of “sometimes the goal is not to have a goal,” I did not start “season two” of my rowing obsession/practice with the intention of beating my meterage from 2023-24. If anything, I would have gracefully allowed myself to have lost some distance, considering a started a job with an earlier start time, longer commute, and longer overall hours.

But I noticed fairly close to the end of my second season that I was close to hitting the same distance I logged in 2023-24, and was happy about that. By looking at my daily average, I knew I’d meet-and exceed-last Year’s distance.

Seasons One and Two using the PM5
Seasons One and Two using the PM5

Hooray for all that.

That’s 20 to 30 minutes a day, most days of the week.

Here’s a fun screenshot: the notoriously inaccurate calorie meter in the PM5 reports that as of today, I burned 238,821 calories rowing. Roughly speaking, that’s 68 pounds. I lost more than that but that’s pretty close.

Calories burned since I started using the PM5
Calories burned since I started using the PM5

Easter Eve Rib Roast

Rhonda is delightfully attentive to our local Shop Rite’s sales on beef rib roasts. They reliably put these on sale peripheral to holidays. She got this one for around 40 bucks.

I always cook them the same way: about six hours in the sous vide at 130, then a sear on the charcoal grill (lump usually, but I’m catholic about it). I rubbed this one with a prepared mix Aaron brought home from a local business.

Rib roast sealed up
Rib roast sealed up

It probably took about 20 minutes on the grill.

Rib roast on the grill
Rib roast on the grill

I never remember to take a pic once I get inside. I let this rest for at least ten minutes and it was still nice and warm. And pink.

Slice of rib roast
Slice of rib roast

More Dock Developments

I wanted to get all of the peripherals that I could share using the OWC Dock set up over spring break, so I worked on that today. I plugged my Focusrite Scarlet Solo and Razer webcam into the dock, and moved the Samsung T5 drive I split between Time Machine backups, and Steam, Epic, and Blizzard game libraries closer towards the center of the port array on the Mac Studio. This will make plugging the Thunderbolt cable into the Studio much easier than threading between other peripherals’ plugs.

I haven’t tried plugging another device in the dock yet, but at least it’s set up. I’ve been using my iPhone as my web cam at work using continuity camera, and don’t do many meetings from home such that I’ve needed the camera. But the Razer Kiyo Pro really looks nice, I have to say.

HDMI vs DisplayPort 1.2

I was rearranging cables to make all of this magic happen and I saw a nice thick braided cable snaking up from the side of the desk. I followed it to a DisplayPort plug, which I’ve been using for Aaron’s old Alienware from my Windows phase. I remember reading before that DisplayPort may be favorable to HDMI before when messing with the KVM switch, so I asked ChatGPT about it. Since my Samsung U32J59x supports DisplayPort v 1.2, ChatGPT thought it might be beneficial, too. So I unplugged HDMI from the display and replaced the cable with the DisplayPort cable. And that worked just ducky.

Display sleep Issue

The switch from HDMI to DisplayPort resurrected the ghost of a familiar bug: the Mac doesn’t sleep the Samsung after a period of inactivity when it’s connected via DisplayPort (or the other way around), but things work as expected over HDMI.

ChatGPT informed me that this was a known issue. The current workaround is a Launchbar action that fires a simple script: pmset displaysleepnow, which is self explanatory. It’s an extra step for me and I’d have to know that I’m not coming back to my desk for a while (which doesn’t always happen… you get pulled away).

Scripting

I asked ChatGPT about possibly scripting something to check if I was using the Mac, and after a certain interval of the computer being idle, run pmset. So maybe I’ll fart with that next.

More on Loneliness

The Marginalian:

Loneliness is the fundamental condition of life — we are born by another, but born alone; die around others (if we are lucky and loved), but die alone; we spend our lives islanded in our one and only human experience — in these particular bodies and minds and circumstances drawn from the cosmic lottery — amid the immense ocean of time and chance teeming with all possible experience.

See also “Walt Whitman.”

3 Kinds of Loneliness and 4 Kinds of Forever

Fear and Docking

After Monday’s quick (read:impulsive) setup of my OWC dock, I was briefly possessed by an idea that would allow me to send the dock back to Amazon for a refund, and that made me smack my forehead due to what I perceived as an oversight.

Having set up the dock with my desktop Mac first, I tried plugging my older M1 iPad Pro into it. It worked great, and I was excited to get this rig up and running, buoyed by the successful first run.

iPad connected to the OWC thunderbolt dock
iPad connected to the OWC thunderbolt dock

I plugged my MacBook Air into it next, which also worked well… mind you, I had the keyboard and trackpad plugged in via USB (lightning and USB-C, respectively, on the device end). I didn’t bother unpairing the peripherals from the Mac Studio, because I knew that the cabled interface would take priority. But at some point, I realized that, after I disconnected the cables, the keyboard and trackpad were still working … with the laptop.

That was the forehead-smack moment. I did in fact know that this worked; I have an iMac in my office from the previous occupant, and at some point it suggested that it could share its keyboard and mouse with my laptop or iPad (I can’t remember which). But it worked, and it was, at the time, to my mind, a good example of what makes Apple’s ecosystem interesting.

The feature is called Universal Control and it works pretty great. And I thought for a moment: I don’t need a dock. I just need the HDMI-to-USB C Anker cable I ordered with the dock. I could just as easily plug and unplug the display, and use the peripherals wirelessly. I don’t like the cables coming out of the backs of the devices anyway.

But then I tried to log into my Mac Studio; I plugged the dock into the Mac and the display lit up with macOS’s login panel, but neither the keyboard nor trackpad were recognized. And I realized that the feature works great–when you’re logged into two devices with the same iCloud account. But the Studio had logged me out.

And I also realized that the benefit of the Thunderbolt cable that connects the dock and the Macs/iPad provides power to the iPad, which is always a challenge with using it as a docked device: there’s one and only one port. So anything that involves a monitor and a lengthy sit on your ass in front of it will also need power. So you need a hub of some kind, and Thunderbolt fits that bill nicely (cheaper powered hubs are, of course, available).

So that’s a lengthy summary of days one and two with the dock; I’m looking forward to having next week off work so I can fart around with it a bit more.

iPad M1 connected to OWC dock
iPad M1 connected to OWC dock

I think a preview of future posts will involve the iPad: it was really nice running it on a 32” 4k display with a keyboard and trackpad. I was doing this the other day at work and I really was digging it. I do hit a productivity wall the with the iPad, though, and when it’s time for a computer, it’s time for a computer.